Hey, gals! I need to tell you something...

If you're wondering why am not posting much it's because.....I'm going through a lot right now. 2021 was the absolute WORST year of my life. You see,... My grandpa passed away recently on July 25, 2021. We called him PawPaw and I had a very close relationship with him. He lived too far away for us to visit him more. When he got sick, we traveled almost 2 hours to visit him in the hospital. He had double pneumonia and very mild COVID. He had a very bad temper that could get out of control lol when the nurses tried to help him. He would try to fight them because he was a very independent man because lived alone, and wasn't used to much help. His wife left him and divorced him when my mom was like 7 years old. And because he would fight them, they had to sedate him multiple times to keep him calm so that they could help him with his needs. Which I believe was their biggest mistake.... because he had gotten so weak from being asleep so much he didn't have much strength to fight his illness. His pneumonia had caused him to aspirate a lot where he could hardly catch his breath. They had him on oxygen, of course, but it wasn't helping much. We visited him a couple of times. But Sunday, July 25th, my mom got a text from my Aunt Lisa, her sister-in-law, that he wasn't doing good at all. He was aspirating very badly. She said I think he's almost gone. We were getting ready for church at that time and we had many people praying for him. We were getting dressed about to eat breakfast when she texted again and said, "We're losing him". My heart dropped into my stomach. I started to pray even harder saying, "Lord, please don't let me lose this grandpa too. I don't what I will do if I lose him." I had lost my dad's dad when I was four from a heart infection. But minutes later, she texted. "He's gone!" I was sitting on the couch holding one of our 4 cats, Bandit. I quickly put him down and stood up and ran over to mom. Who had walked into the kitchen saying "OH NO!!! He's GONE!!!!" sobbing uncontrollably. I joined her and my sister and sobbed. I had just lost my beloved grandpa. Seconds later, she texted again, and said "Wait! His heart started back up." We stopped sobbing and sat there in tears. Waiting to see if he would stay alive. But unfortunately, she texted once more, "He's gone..." My brother sobbed. And he is not much of a crier at all! We all loved our grandfather. We would take annual trips in the Summer during school break to see him and now all of that was going to change. We visited him on holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving but this year was different. It was a big change that was extremely hard to accept. We still ended up going to church. I was still crying when I got there. During church, the service took an unexpected turn. My mom went up to the front pew and got on her knees and sobbed while they were singing songs. People in the church started to gather around her to comfort her. She had just lost her father. Me, who was standing, dropped back into my seat leaning of the front pew and just sobbed. My best friend, Arianna, who goes by Anna, sat next to me and held my hand. I could see her eyes were glassy. She was crying too. I guessed she hated seeing me like that. She had recently lost her uncle to a stroke, I think and she understood my pain entirely. I didn't know what to do except call on God and ask Him to help me through this difficult time. I am still grieving over him today. I'm crying writing this. I haven't been myself lately and I was concerned, so I went on Google to see in grief can cause anxiety and stress, and to my surprise, it can. I have been struggling with depression, anxiety, and stress. All because of my grief for my grandpa. At the viewing of my grandpa's, my pastor and his wife came (obviously). When they arrived, I walked up to Sis. Gwen (his wife) and hugged her and I just lost it. I sobbed. She comforted me with a soft voice and said. "It's going to be okay. He's in a better place now". I knew that but it didn't cure the hurt of losing him here on Earth. I love my grandpa. I miss him SO SO much. I need help. Can you all please pray for me if you're a Christian? Even if you aren't, just try and pray for me. I need it now more than ever. </3 :(

P.S. Sorry, for making you read this long story lol. It's a LONG story of what I went through this year. And I thought you girls, my friends, have a right to know. Best friends tell each other everything, right?