(Soo uh, I wrote this a year ago, and haven't really worked on it since)
Almost thirteen years ago
A hooded figure rushed up the stone steps of the palace, the figure was holding a baby in her arms hidden by the black cloak, she reached the tallest tower and opened the door there sitting on a chair in the corner of the room was a man.
The man stood and walked over to her and bowed "M'lady are you sure you want to go through with this?" He said, he looked down at the baby in her arms, "She is a baby after all"
"Yes, I'm sure Adlai, she can't grow up here, it's too dangerous for her to grow up in the middle of a war."
"But the war hasn't started yet, how can you be for certain that the war will even start?" Adlai asked.
"I just know! We've been preparing for months to be able to send her far, far away from here," she replied.
"Yes Valda, do you want to wait a bit, or take her right now?"
"Will you give me a bit?" Valda asked.
"Yes Valda," Adlai bowed again and left the room leaving Valda and her baby alone in the room, Valda waited to she couldn't hear the sounds of Adlai's footsteps, then she turned back to her baby who was cradled in her arms. "I'm really sorry I have to do this," Valda whispered, "It's just too dangerous for you to stay here with me,"
Suddenly Adlai burst into the room and quickly shut it behind it, he leaned against the door as if to keep someone or something out. "M'Lady! They are here! You need to take the baby now! You need to hurry, I don't think I can hold them off for long," Adlai shouted, he reached out his hand and a blue and white portal opened against the wall.
Valda got up surprised for a second than comprehended what was going on, she held on tightly to her baby and walked into the portal. Valda stepped out into a back ally,
'I need to hurry, I never accounted that the rain would slow me down,' Valda thought, she hurried out of the ally her feet splashing in the gathering puddles beneath her.
Valda reached up and pulled the hood of her cloak on top of her head. Valda hurried down the street needing to hurry, thunder rumbled through the sky. She walked up a large building, Lightning flashed across the sky lighting up a small bronze sign.
MRS. ABIGAIL HAVEN'S ORPHANAGE THE CARE AND LEARNING FOR ORPHANED BOYS AND GIRLS
Valda quickly walked up the steps and gently set down her baby by the door step, she knelt down "Good bye, be safe my little one," Valda whispered, then she got up and knocked on the door loudly.
Then she hurried back down the steps, went back to the same ally, and stepped back into the portal, her feet stepped onto solid stone floor. The first thing she saw was Adlai's relived face.
"Valda! Use the secret exit! You need to escape," Adlai said.
Valda
She nodded and rushed over to the wall, and she pushed a giant tapestry out of the way. Valka put her hand on the wall feeling around then she found the correct stone and pushed in, a section of the wall immediately swung open.
Torches lit up the cavern once Valda walked in. She heard the wall creak behind her, she whirled around afraid, Valda sighed in relief when she realized it was just Adlai, he had his hand on the hilt of his sword, his eyes were darting around.
Valda walked up to him and rested a hand on his shoulder, "Don't worry, you helped me escape," Valda said calmly. Adlai closed the stone wall making sure it was closed securely then he walked back up to Valda and lead her down the tunnel.
"Thank you," Valda whispered. Suddenly they heard the sound of footsteps behind them, Adlai whipped around and unsheathed his sword, "Run M'lady! I sent your most trusted advisor to meet you!" Adlai cried.
"B-but I can't leave you!"
"Run! You need to survive!" Adlai shouted.
Valda nodded and turned away from him, 'I hope Adlai will survive I don't know what I would do without him' she thought. She sighed and then ran to the exit.
Valda breathed a sigh of relief when she saw her most trusted advisor Jedrik ahead. Jedrik walked up to her and bowed, "Your Highness, I am so relived that you are safe" he said
"Thank you Jedrik," Valda said. Jedrik looked around "where's Adlai?" he asked. "H-he stayed back to fight off our enemies," Valda whispered "I'm so sorry," Jedrik said. Then they started heading towards the exit of the passageway,
(Okay soooo, I know I have a lot to work on with this... but yeah 😅😅😅)
Good! Same as last time, though, you have a lot of run-ons, and not enough backstory. But good!
Love it!!!! I would go down a line every time someone new is talking
this is SO GOOD!!!! I would say maybe give a bit more backstory, maybe explain why Adlai calls Valda M'lady, why they were at war, and what the portal was? Also explain who the baby's parents are, I assume Valda is the mother?