(Soooooo, this isn't TGH related, but I would love some constructive criticism! )
A figure was rushing up the steps of her apartment complex she stopped at a door titled 6A, she hurriedly fished in her pockets, once she heard the jingle of keys, she took the keys out of her pocket, her and shakily reached out for the lock in her door, tears clouded her vision making it harder to see.
She missed the lock several times, she finally got the key into the keyhole and quickly turned it, she rushed inside practically slamming the door behind her, she quickly turned her lock, and latched the chain that went across her door
.
She breathed a sigh of relief, she leaned her back on the door, and slid down it, she tucked her knees into her chest.
"why hello there," said a voice from the darkness, the girl snapped her head up, "you have no idea how long we've been looking for you... Rose,"
The girl jumped to her feet staring at the man who was sitting across the room, "W-who are you! And how to you know my name!" she asked, her throat hoarse from all the crying.
The man stood up, "I think you know who I am,"
Rose shook her head, "N-no," she said in a mere whisper, "I thought I escaped your men, I thought I escaped you!" there was a new ferocity in her voice.
The man chuckled; it was an eerie bone chilling chuckle. Rose tensed at the sound. The man walked up to her, his features were a lot more distinguishable now; he had ebony black hair, that was slicked back with too much hair gel, startling sea green eyes, a prominent scar from his jaw down his neck, and went past his collar.
He reached out his arm inches away from grabbing Rose's wrist. Rose glanced down at his arm, it had a huge wolf tattoo on it, her gaze went back to the man, she now recognized him. His name was Rubin, one of her father's warriors, sent to hunt her down and bring her to him. Rose's eyes filled with hatred towards the man.
She watched as Rubin took his hand away, Rubin glared at Rose, he leaned closer to her and whispered, "We will always find you," with that he vanished.
Rose shuddered, she knew that her father would always find ways find her, she had no idea why he wanted to find her, but her mother had told her to stay away from him.
Tears once again filled her vision at the memory of her mother, she had risked her life to get her away from her father. Rose slowly walked over to the sofa, and collapsed onto it. Rose didn't bother with closing the blinds her eyes slowly fluttered close, and she feel into a restless sleep.
Good! But you have lots of run-on sentences....
AHH SO GOOD!!!!!!!!! Why is Rose's father hunting her?
First thing I want to say is that, THIS STORY IS AMAZING!!! I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT PART TO COME OUT!!!
And here is a tiny bit of constructie critisizm that might make reading it easier, and smoother.
I don't recommend using the characters name or pronouns to many times in a row. It can make it feel worn out and lazy (it isn't, but it becomes predictable subconsciously to the reader), so try alternating those and maybe adding things in like "the girl" or "the name's child" it can make writing feel more interesting and engaging to read
(I hope I helped! In my opinion straight forward constructive critisizm is more helpful then when it's hinted at, but if you want me to make it more subtle than that's completely fine)
Love it!